I am not alive
I am aware but that is it. My mind is not connected to my body - I cannot choose to act. "I" can request action but nothing happens.
Half remembered journeys to nowhere. Sensation of what? Arriving? Travelling? Falling?
It's been a long time since I've posted here. And even longer since I've cut.
This hasn't been updated for a while - you'll have seen that. It started out (and remained) primarily a way for me to write down my "feelings" to try to deal with the stress and pain.
A lot of the pictures I've put up are taken with a macro lens (virtually all the close ups). The lens was about 160 quid. I have aquired a couple of old manual 35mm lenses over the last few weeks and have been playing around with them as normal lenses (with a 2quid adaptor) and had a sudden idea about trying something I'd read a while ago - making a cheap macro lens by stacking lenses. The total cost of what follows was 4quid for the adaptor ring and a few quid for the lens...
aff_imgbbd/media/post_ieh.pngajf_contentcdng.$I find it kind of funny,
aff_imgbbd/media/post_is2.pngajf_contentcgkf_...not "in between" any more.
I seem currently to be living in a kind of "twilight" between the usual feeling shit and a kind of "hope". There is a reason for this (which I'll not explain at this time) but it doesn't make the "feeling" any less unpleasant.